Relationships are complicated and often people don’t realise the amount of effort and nurturing that needs to go into them.
There are often issues within all types of relationships. It doesn’t just mean with your partner. It can mean with your siblings, your parents, your friends, work colleagues. The list goes on and on..
Relationships can often break down due to a number of reasons. People can often expect others to know what they want and need. When this doesn’t happen they can feel let down, and as though no one cares or listens. In addition to this people can often take each other for granted. Or they can make assumptions about others, and presume that they know what they are thinking. This lack of communication, and often respect , can lead to relationships breaking down.
Siblings can end up falling out, or feeling let down and hurt in some way. Work colleagues can get frustrated and annoyed with one another, leaving them feeling resentful and upset. All of this can raise stress levels. In romantic relationships people can often feel betrayed, and let down so deeply that they may turn to another person for comfort. This is how affairs begin – physical or emotional ones. In addition to this friendships can waver, and people can fall out with one another.
Relationships are hard to maintain and effective relationships require effort. The following can help –
- Open communication is key. People need to talk to one another. It sounds relatively simple, but talking is one of the biggest things that people often struggle with.
- Working out what you need from someone else and expressing it. This is fundamental for effective relationships. Being able to say ‘I need’ or ‘I would like help with’ is really hard but so valuable.
- Making time for one another. Again this sounds simple but many people over look this with the business of their lives. Spending quality time together is fundamental to a successful relationship.
- Laughing and having fun. Again these are simple but effective ways to nurture a relationship. People often feel so much better after they have had a good time with someone they care about.
- Respect is vital in any relationship. Without it relationships wont work. The way we speak to each other, listen to each other, treat each other – all needs to be done respectfully. If it isn’t things will break down.
- Trust is the key to a successful relationship. And this applies to many areas from decision making, to honesty. This can be hard if you haven’t experienced this kinds of relationships growing up.
Our relationships with our family are key, because they are the first relationships we have. The one we form with our parents, step parents, siblings, or other caregivers are vital. The modelling that we see is also important. For example if children see adults that argue all the time and shout, then they can feel that this is a natural way to express feelings. Or if they grow up with a parent that never says what they feel, or encourages them too, and then they are likely to bottle up their feelings and emotions. Whatever patterns are developed, they are likely to continue in someone’s adult relationships.
These patterns are known as destructive patterns, and often people can internalise feelings and emotions and struggle to express themselves. Sometimes they can turn to coping mechanisms such as alcohol, drugs, or develop issues with food or exercise for example. But sometimes this doesn’t happen, but they keep repeating patterns in relationships. They end up feeling let down, lonely and wondering why things never work out. Sometimes they feel that they have failed, and that relationships haven’t worked out. Often people will blame themselves for relationships breaking down, and find it hard to understand what happened.
Counselling can help people to understand their relationship patterns, and why they are there. It can help them to make sense of the way that they relate, to look at the things that they expect and want, and it can help them to understand more about the way they are in relationships. After this level of understanding has developed, it can then, in turn, help people to change destructive patterns, to start challenging themselves, and the way that they have acted, and to then move forward with their relationships in a different way.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with any issues in relationships then please get in touch with us 07590 663938 or info@yourcounsellingservice.co.uk
One of our team would be really happy to see you and to help.