I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 10
Then came the weed but was just now and then
But by about 12 I’d smoke everyday
Getting really stoned while others would play
My childhood had disappeared long before
Growing up quickly, not a kid anymore
I was stripped of my youth then began to rebel
Believed I was living in what we call hell
Experimenting and peer pressure had an effect
But really it was me who had a defect
Pills, coke, crack and special k
Helping at 16 to hide away
When I felt sad I could take some pills
Or a cocktail of drugs just for thrills
I could stop the pain with a line of coke
Roll up a blunt for a good old smoke
But what came with drugs was a tough lifestyle
Nasty environments and people so vile
But I felt in control if I put myself there
I had no self worth and just didn’t care
I was medicated by doctors for ADHD
Then prescribed more drugs for anxiety
So when throwing professionals into the mix
Their solution was drugs providing a fix
I understand that I was hard to reach
Almost impossible for those to teach
But there was more than what met the eye
As I wanted to vanish, curl up and die
Drugs help to relax but are also for fun
They help me forget and become really numb
They calm me down and help my pain
To stop the thoughts that race in my brain
When I’m not on drugs, I’m asked what’s wrong
As I’m not myself, nor am I strong
Ultimately, the drugs kill my pain
But also my body and my brain
They’re an escape from life and reality
But could lead to illness and insanity
So drugs for me have become a need
A way to function if I want to succeed
Honestly I’m scared to completely stop
I’m worried to feel and take a drop
I’m worried to be me and not to cope
I’ve tried before but gave up hope
I often ignore the issue in hand
Coz I don’t think people will understand
It is my fault, as people don’t know
That I use drugs whenever I’m low
Truth be told I’m low everyday
So do the math, it’s long been this way
No matter what, I am to blame
For this shit of a person that I became
I ran from problems, a master of disguise
Shielded the truth with all of my lies
Oblivious to addiction, till I tried to stop
Just one more pill I needed to pop
Drugs made me worse I know deep inside
They’ve helped me to run from life and to hide
It’s time to come out now and face it all
To stand up tall and not to fall
Prescription drugs and alcohol
I need to stop and regain control
Things will get harder and I’m on my own
I might hit rock bottom when I’m alone
I’ll have to work hard to fill the void
To manage my feelings and not get annoyed
I will feel crap and it will be tough
I know I’ll begin to feel really rough
It will be hard to pull right through
As it’s not just mental, it’s physical too
My mind and body will go into shock
No way for me to rewind the clock
People are unaware what I’ve done to myself
Abused my body and overall health
So if I clean up I will have to face
The real reasons why I am in this place
Which means looking at horrors in my past
Facing my feelings and pain at last
This is imperative for me to move on
Stop thinking I was bad and did something wrong
But I will need help along the way
A worry I have from day to day
I am frightened and have many fears
That help and support again disappears
This has been common over the years
The reason for drugs and most of my tears
So if I do this I will need you
As you’re the only one who knows what I do
I promise that I will try my best
As this for me is a big life test
I do have a little fight left in me
So just be patient and do not flee
I don’t want others to know or to see
How low of a person I’ve come to be
So I’m ready to try and ready to feel
Just a little help needed for me to heal
It’s time for you to be patient and listen
To why copious drugs are inside my system
Don’t expect me to come in and smile
As this process is going to take a long while
When we talk I can see your frustrations
When drugs has led to bad situations
Self-care is taken over by these temptations
And this results in unpleasant destinations
For this to work, lower your expectations
And be prepared for numerous complications
A final test, will addiction prevail?
Is my plan in life forever to fail?
One pair of ears is all I need
To listen to me and help me succeed.