Relationships are complex. That goes without saying. They all require effort, nurturing and time. Without all of these, they won’t be able to move forward or grow. Whether it is partners, friends or family members – all relationships need both parties to invest, to care and to give. When its two way, it works really well. But what happens when its one way? And when one person gives so much? What happens when another person withholds or lets someone down? And most importantly – why do people continue to be in a relationship that causes them more pain then joy?
The main reason people find themselves in a one sided relationship of any kind, is because they don’t truly believe that they deserve more. Perhaps it has never been shown to them. Perhaps the modelling they saw taught them to give and failed to show them how to receive. Maybe that’s the role they have always taken – to be the one that is there and reliable, the one that it is ok to let down or take for granted. Fundamentally they don’t know that they deserve more.
There are many people who give and give. And there are many who take and take. The combination of these two together can be lethal. The more someone gives to another, the more they will pull away or take that person for granted. And so the cycle will continue. As a result nothing will change. And it will continue – leaving someone feeling that they are worthless, undervalued and not cared about. Constantly seeking validation, affirmation and love – from someone that for whatever reason – is unable to fully give it.
But what would happen if that person began to realise that they deserved more? That they did deserve to be treated respectfully? That they required thought, care and kindness. That it wasn’t ok to shut them out, to speak to them harshly and that it was never ok to just assume that they would always be there.
Maybe family dynamics would shift? Maybe family members would realise that things can’t be one sided. Perhaps someone would pick up the phone or make an effort that they don’t normally. Friendships could change. Someone could start to see that they can’t just lash out or assume that people will always be there no matter what. Friendships could equally grow and develop – with both parties having full respect for each other. Romantically relationships could evolve and go to a deeper level. Things could feel better, more grounded and calmer. Clarity could be reached and a person’s boundaries would be intact.
On the other hand things might not change. A shift may not take place – a person who takes could continue to take. Perhaps they won’t recognise the damage that has been caused, or perhaps they are incapable or unwilling to make a change. They may not even fully see the depth of what they have been doing. If this is the case then it is probably time to walk away. Walk away from the friend, family member or partner that is hurting you. Step back. Take some space and time for you. Know that you are worth more and deserve more. Know that you deserve to be loved. Ultimately if you know what you are truly worth then you will attract it.
It is never ok to be taken for granted. It is never ok to be abused in any way, shape or from. It is never ok to constantly be the one to make contact or effort with someone. It is never ok to keep putting yourself out there just to be hurt again. Know your value. Know your worth. And make a huge effort to never settle for anything less.
The love you deserve.
What does that look like for you?