Asking for what we need….
Saying how we truly feel…
Expressing our thoughts and emotions…
Saying when we are angry or hurt…
Telling someone the impact they have had on us…
Technically these would be the easiest things for any of us to do. Finding our own voice is something we all need to be able to do. Articulating ourselves is something we all want and crave. After all if we are true to ourselves and express what is going on for us – then we are at peace with who we are and we are honest with those around us.
So why is it so hard???
Fear often plays a big part – fear of rejection, fear of being let down, hurt or seen in a certain way. Fear of showing vulnerability or admitting that you need something or someone. Fear of showing emotions – wondering how they may be received. Fear of loss, of confrontation – the list is endless.
Past experiences – we all learn what we live after all. And If you grew up in a world where you weren’t shown how to use your voice or express your needs. Then you learn to suppress, accommodate and to always please. You become a person who puts others needs before their own – and gradually you forget that its even ok to have your own needs.
Addictions and mental health issues can also play a part. Often people struggle with things like depression, anxiety or eating disorders. Or they self-medicate with the use of alcohol, drugs or sex – to name just a few. What once was balanced becomes addictive – exercise, social media – you name it. Escapism – people get lost in a world that isn’t real. They avoid, they detach – and the whole time they are doing that – they aren’t thinking about what they really need. Let alone truly asking for it or expressing it.
There are many reasons that people do not assert themselves and many things that impact on the way that people find their voice. We live in a world where we are encouraged to not rock the boat. We are taught to fit in to society, to merge and mould and ultimately to conform. But does that make people truly happy??? All the while they spend pleasing others and focusing on other peoples needs – they neglect their own. All the time they do what is expected of them – they don’t do the things that they truly need.
What would your life look like if you stepped back for a moment and thought about what you truly need??? What would it be like if you were to actually say yes to what you want to say yes to and no when you truly meant no? Would it be ok to say you don’t feel like doing something ? Would it be ok to say I need this and Id like this ? Is it ok to express who you truly are?
Imagine a world where we all did that……
Internally people would feel so much more at peace and so much calmer. Because they would be doing the things they truly want to do and they would be living a life that makes them feel fulfilled. Communication would be improved so much – it would be so much more open. People would be able to express what it is that they feel and need. Relationships would be more fulfilling. They would be more meaningful. And every individual’s day to day life would be calmer and happier.
The next time someone really hurts you – tell them.
The next time someone lets you down – let them know your hurting.
The next time you disagree with something – say so.
The next time you don’t want to do something – say no.
The next time you prefer something – express your preference.
The next time you want to something – work for it.
The next time you need something – make it happen.
The next time you feel content – hold on to it.
The next time you feel anxious – express it.
The next time your struggling – try to work through it.
The next time you feel insecure – discuss those insecurities.
The next time your scared – express it.
The next time your angry – assert yourself.
None of this is straight forward and it is a constant work in progress. But if you make that your aim – if you try to apply this every day throughout your life. Then you will be on a much more positive path and you will find your voice. Its ok to be you, its more then ok to feel what you feel and its ok to express it.
You’ve got this.